Mommmy loves this picture of you when you were four days old. You are just sooo stinkin' cute! (notice how it shows your extra thumb!)
Yesterday, for your birthday, we made a giant cake just like the one we made after your funeral. We served it to a huge (like 200) group of people who had babies in Heaven with you. Mommy and Daddy stood and spoke to the families about your sweet little life, and the things you taught us. We love and miss you!
Miah would have been one year old this last weekend. She is a very real part of our family, and as such, we celebrated her birthday. Many of you have sent cards and presents and we thank you for that! The five days she spent with us will always be cherished.
On Saturday, we attended A Butterfly's Touch's Walk to Remember. This organization's mission is to share the compassion of Jesus Christ by providing support to parents experiencing infant-loss during their time of need. We received a memory box much like the one this charity gives away and it is now a prized possession.
The event was very nice. We met some great people who experienced a loss similar to ours, created a page for a memorial album, participated in the walk, and enjoyed a very touching program.
We also visited Miah's grave and left a sunflower (Miah's flower) and some balloons.
For each night Miah was alive, Karren is lighting five candles in her honor. Tonight is night four.
We miss you Miah and look forward to seeing you again. You are beautiful and we cherish the memories we have of you.
Karren has been working hard on a book to remember Miah and it is finally done. If you would like to get a copy at cost (at least for us) feel free to follow the link. If you get 5 before December 15, it is 15% off. We ordered 5. :)
Karren had a C-Section planned for Friday morning, October 16th. When she went into her regularly scheduled appointment with her OBGYN, there was some concern about Toxemia and Dr. Stull decided that it would be best to go ahead with the birth. We waited in the hospital and Karren's heart rate was indistinguishable from the baby's, both between 140 and 180 beats per minute. Once it was established that the baby was still alive via ultrasound, Karren stopped freaking out, and the two hearts returned to normal.
I took this opportunity to return home and get the necessary clothes and electronics. Sonya would be taken care of by Debbie Pearson that day and our families in the days to follow.
Upon my return, Karren was still in Triage. We finally were taken into a private room around 4 PM. Karren started getting scared again so I gave her a blessing and she became relaxed enough to fall asleep. Dr. Stull finally arrived and Karren was carted into the surgery room where she got her saddle block while I waited in the hall.
Finally, it was time. Miah Rachel Wilde was born October 15th at 6:26 PM via C-Section. A huge tidal wave of fluid came from Karren's uterus. There were no cries and we were both a little scared. Miah was started breathing on her own, although it was weak. She weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces, was 18" long and had a head that is 12.75" in circumference. I took her to Karren's head, gave her a name and a blessing and we both cried tears of joy. Both Miah and I stayed in the room with Karren while she was sewn up, after which, we returned to our room.
Earlier in the day, we found out that a new rule was put into effect a week earlier: no more than two people (including the father) could visit during the entire stay at the hospital. This meant that there was a chance our families and Sonya would not meet Miah! This scared us because we knew we would be there at least three days, and the chance of Miah surviving until then was slim (although she is a fighter and ultimately beat the odds). After getting multiple different answers, it was decided that we were an exception and that our direct family and our photographer could visit.
We relayed this information to our respective families and they were overjoyed. Sonya and Karren's mother and father came right away and our friend (and photographer) arrived shortly after. Karen (http://www.karenmurdock.com/) took some amazing shots of Miah that we will always cherish. Karren's parents were visibly pleased to be able to meet their newest granddaughter. They left and my parents arrived a little later. They had a long day traveling from Saint Louis despite the fact that they didn't believe they were going to be able to see Miah. They too were very grateful to meet our little angel.
The night that followed was long. Karren and I held Miah the entire night, Karren more than me. There were multiple scares where she would turn blue, stop breathing for a short while, and then jump start right back up again. She is such a fighter!
On the following days, we were able to spend lots of quality time with Miah and our families. Our parents visited many more times, Sonya was able to visit twice, and Bryan and Carly both got to visit once. There were many emotional moments and we all learned more about God's great plan for us. Miah is to be here a short while and we are certain Heavenly father has great plans for her. She will always be with us and she has many (including my mother) who will welcome her home.
We were really grateful for the staff at Saint Vincent's, especially the nurses, who were very knowledgeable and brought us lots of comfort. They helped us do things that aren't usually part of their job such as take foot prints, hand molds, measurements, be with us when Miah was having issues, and gave us many words of comfort.
Miah survived the hospital and was able to come home with us on Sunday, October 18th. She stayed with us until Tuesday, October 20th before passing away. Karren kept her close the entire 5 days and many friends visited her. There was no baby more loved. We are at peace with Miah's passing and we feel so blessed to have been able to spend all this time with her. She is a blessed daughter of God and it makes me personally want to be my best so I can be with her when I return home. We look forward to seeing her again when we return to our Heavenly Father.
Our daughter Miah is due in 31 days, just a month away. Karren and I got up nice and early to get an ultrasound of her and see what the issues with Miah might be. She definitely has a heart issue, shorter limbs (legs and arms), a tiny stomach, and is underweight. These are all typical for a Trisomy 18 baby. There were no major defects that we could see outside these issues. The technician says that there is a hole in the heart that limits the blood from flowing throughout the rest of the body, kind of like a short circuit. Karren said that she is "sooooo beautiful" and I would have to agree. She looks a little like Sonya to me and we are excited to meet her. She is a choice daughter of God and we are very happy that she will be with our family forever.
Our sweet baby girl has entered the last trimester of development and is regarded by the medical community as 'viable' outside of utero. Because her life is expected to be a short one, we would like to introduce her to our family and friends as the newest addition to the Wilde Family, and announce her name early. You will begin to see her name included in our ramblings, and her presence acknowledged in our activities. Also, we have begun posting a separate blog specifically about her life: "Letters to Miah". It will be a very personal collection of notes we have written/ will write to our daughter. There is so much that she has taught our family already, and we feel selfish keeping it locked away in a journal.
MIAH (my-ah) RACHEL WILDE
Her first name comes from the book of Jeremiahof the old testament. The fifth verse of the first chapter reads: "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee, and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee...". We appreciate this simple reminder that our daughter's spirit existed long before her broken body was created inside her mother, and that spirit will live long after her body is buried in it's Mother Earth. We believe in a literal resurrection of her body in its perfected form, and that we will again hold her in our arms throughout the eternities.
Miah's middle name is also inspired by a figure of the Old Testament. Jacob loved Rachel and desired to be with her forever. Ultimately, he had to work 14 years for her father to earn her hand. Just as Jacob had to wait to marry Rachel, our family will have to wait a little while during this life to be with our own Rachel in the next.
It has been a trying last 6 weeks or so for our little family. A first ultrasound indicated there was a 50% chance that there was something seriously wrong with our new baby. We then went through a CVS (Chorionic Villi Sampling) and two Amnios (Amniocentesis, FISH test) to try and find out if this was really the case. Today, we learned that our baby has a terminal disease called Trisomy 18, or Edwards syndrome. I didn't quite know what this was, but it is described here, Trisomy 18 Foundation. There is an extremely high chance the baby will not make it to birth, and if she (yes, it's a girl) does, she is not expected to live long. This is very sad for us, but we have decided to carry on with the pregnancy. Hopefully, we will get to hold her in our arms before she passes on. We debated whether we should post this, but we decided to let you all know as there is nothing we can do medically. Please keep us in your prayers. We trust the Lord has a plan for us and that He knows what is best for our family.
For those of you who don't know yet, Karren has been pretty sick and feels like "a slug who ran into too much salt." (her words) You see, Karren seems to have hard pregnancies, and since she is 10 weeks along, her morning sickness is in full force. Luckily, she got some Zofran this time around and it is preventing her from throwing up too much. She tries really hard not to take it, if she can avoid it, but it really does help. Our child will be born around October 25th and no, we don't know the gender yet.
